When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
