he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
