Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
