Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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