we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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