Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
