well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
