remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
