He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it glows. i had to have it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize