I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
two words...techno handjob
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
