see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
