Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
