WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
