If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
There are leaves in my underwear?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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