first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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