My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
