I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize