Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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