Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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