This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
