I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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