She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
