Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
