420 ftw
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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