It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
