But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
