I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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