I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
