Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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