hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize