but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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