my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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