every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
