Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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