My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
