What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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