My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
