i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
