I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
