The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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