the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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