I love black thongs
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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