Grow some girl-balls and come out already
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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