At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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