I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
