Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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