Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish i was in the wii world.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
