True but thats because hes a fetus.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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