what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
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