So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
