um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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