We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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