You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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