You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
