i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
