i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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