man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
