Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
