How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
