happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
