Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
