In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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