it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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