I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
