Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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