He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
