so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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