So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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