i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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