I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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