We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
