Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize