I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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