Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
