Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
