i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
