worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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