College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
