Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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