Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
