im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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