her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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