sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
