I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
