i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
