Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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