Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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