why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
