i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Houston, we have a blender
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
