Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she smelled like a LAN party
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
