Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
