Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i now understand why vodka
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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