The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
