i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
