But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize