matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
