So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
