I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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