I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
