we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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