Betty ford says i'm here all night
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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