i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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