Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
