She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I've blown a few things in my day
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize