Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
