Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
