he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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