I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
