so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
