just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The air was thick with penises
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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