you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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