NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize