i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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