Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
