GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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